Some possibly incoherent thoughts on RPF, privacy and the current Mikey brouhaha

[venetia_sassy]

It seems that recently:

1) Fans think the Toros may have had a baby but Ray hasn't confirmed or denied.

2a) Mikey and Alicia might be divorcing/separated and Mikey has already moved on without telling Alicia and she found out via fans.

or

2b) Mikey has been cheating on Alicia and she found out via fans.

or

2c) Something else is going on but we as fans don't know the relationships involved.

I am not comfortable with any of this.

For 1), if Ray and Christa ever have a child, I will be be happy for them. I will not believe they have a child until they say so. It is their business and their decision as to when to announce it.

As to what's going on with Mikey and Alicia and Sarah ... honestly, I'm cringing that anything about this was public. Bad move on everyone's part. But if strangers sent photo links to Alicia? NOT COOL. Nobody likes the neighbourhood busybody.

What do I think about Mikey right now? Well, about the same that I did the other day, really. Why? Because I don't know what happened. I'm not going to base my opinion of someone on rumours or a few tweets. When the dust settles, we'll see what's really going on.

I've wondered whether I should join Twitter again (I tried it once, in the early days. I lost interest.) I know I miss out of some of the squee but then I saw this mess ...

I don't like rumours, I don't like gossip and I don't like public discussions of people's personal lives.

I love reading biographies of historical figures, will happily analyse fictional characters' motivations and backgrounds, and sort of combine that with RPF of 'public personas.' But digging into people's private lives is not okay, I don't care how famous they are.

Mikey may have cheated on his wife. That sucks. But it's not my business. And even if that's how it happened, it doesn't change all the things I like about him. (If it turned out he was a serial cheater dickhead, that would.) And you know what? It could turn out that one of the other guys has cheated at some point. Or one of their wives has cheated. Or something else upsetting to our image of them. Because we don't know them.

We see their public personas. We are their fans, not their friends, and they are not obligated to share every detail of their lives with us. They are real people, flawed and fucked up and they make mistakes.

Am I sad that my mental image of a band with four happily married guys is smeared? Yes. But that was my mental image. I never knew the reality. I still don't.

Really, my main question after all this is, 'I wonder if "Aww, pickles" is Gerard's kid-safe version of 'Oh, shit"?'
 

Comments

[glitteryv]

Omg, V., thank you SO, SO MUCH for this post! You've said exactly what I think about both situations.

I've been feeling really alienated from certain parts of Bandom since the Mikeyway thing broke over at Twitter. Though I understand people's disappointments ans frustrations about whatever happenned and how that affected or tarnished their ideas of what Mikeyway is like, I don't think that making him the villain helps matters at all. I mean, we don't KNOW what happenned.

Maybe those fans are grieving that image of Mikeyway they once held to. I don't really know.

Hopefully things will settle soon.

Anyhoo, reading this was a much-needed balm. ♥ *hugs you tight*

[venetia_sassy]

Glad it helped!

I debated about posting this because I realise a lot of people are genuinely upset, even if that's something I don't really get. But some of the reactions I'm seeing in wider fandom have been making me really twitchy and uncomfortable, far more so than whatever might be going on with Mikey and I was trying to sort it out in my head.

Now that there's a bit of the story out in public, I guess I hope we get a proper answer to quash the rumours ... but yeah, let's hope it will settle down soon somehow!

*hugs you back*

[turlough]

I just posted something very similar to this - though far shorter and much less well-articulated. I remember how much damage the shit talking and side taking did to the fandom when Bob left the band and it would really suck if the same thing happened now and over something that really isn't any of our business.

[venetia_sassy]

I wasn't feeling very coherent when I wrote this so I glad it came across clearly! I wasn't around for Bob leaving or Panic splitting up and I can imagine how upset people might be over those things because hey, major changes to the band. *sighs* But I refuse to character bash fictional characters, why would I do it to real people?

But this? It's not about the band ... I'm feeling very out-of-step with a lot of bandom here.

[turps]

This is an excellent post and you should be very proud of making it.